Dead-ja Vu

"What are we, if not characters, from one story or another, playing our part, knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly"

- Sandip Khade

You know how people get 'kicks' out of doing something daring, say, over-speeding on their bikes, or breaking dress codes, purposely attempting to get away with something illegal, etc.? Well, and I don't mean to sound like that guy, I've always gotten a kick out of giving to the needy; this could manifest in the form of giving money to the traffic signal dwellers, small community charity contributions, the monthly blood drive, or buying your practically broke friend his favorite energy drink when you sense a potential 'head-butt alert!' conversation vibe in the air. I groaned when I realized it's one of those days, and walked into our PG hostel's canteen area. 

Most of our guy-classmates stay at this PG, since it's pretty close, and dirt cheap for its surprisingly un-pathetic living conditions. It had single occupancy rooms and was even all-inclusive of three meals a day. As I operated the vending machine, Shail continued rambling about his controversial take, seemingly taking no notice of my eye-rolls.

"Dude, just think about it. Just how dumb is it for the whole 'karma' thing to actually exist! Good karma...bad karma...it's all a hoax, I'm telling you."

"I, obviously, don't quite agree." I muttered, handing him the drink. He hurriedly popped it open, and took a sip at once. I let out a light chuckle as we made our way up the stairs.

"How insane is the idea that there's a meter, a dude watching this meter; your bad acts fill it up, and good acts undo the bad ones- and if the bad ones fill it up, you get punished, and if you don't, you die anyway due to old age?"

"I'm pretty sure you're missing a lot of details there, but okay, indulge me further, I guess."

"Nah, what I mean to say is, if this meter is -  well, it is a game, right? So if it is a game, and the bad acts, or bad karma, are the wrong moves, and the good karma acts are the right moves, why do you lose either way? How can you win? Ha! You can't, so it can't possibly exist....right?"

Shail's argument was painful to hear; not due to accuracy, but due to my own horror, derived out of the potential truth that Shail might've really come down to his last few brain cells. Functioning ones, that is.

We reached my room, and I pushed the door open. The smell of due laundry and instant-noodles cans enveloped us instantly, and Shail plopped himself on my bean bag as I shut the door behind me.

"Look, what I'm trying to say is, karma seems to be a pacifier for adults...it's, and don't take this in the wrong sense, an excuse made by the weak. And ooh, makes you wanna be rewarded for good actions." 

I cleared my throat as I settled onto the bed. "Or, maybe, it was never about the reward. Maybe it is just about correction...like a morality-infused gravity, of sorts?"

Shail snorted, "Eh? Gravity? Please...gravity's real, it's science. Karma, on the other hand, is more like ancient creepypasta." 

"Shail" I took a deep breath, "Tell that to all the wrongdoers that were punished for their acts. And, you know what? If karma makes people think twice before doing something wrong, I don't mind it sticking around."

"Pah, confirmation bias. You're only considering examples that prove your point, that are in your favor."

"I believe it, just like so many other out there, and so it's real."

Then he pounced, "Ah, so people believing in it means it's real?"

"Makes it real enough." 

I sighed, and Shail took a big sip from the can in his hand. We'd had so many debates so far that I'd become accustomed to his sign of stopping an argument - a big sip. These debates were fun, of late, but tended to escalate to a personal level in the past - until I figured out the drink trick. Been fun since then.

"Okay, Jay. What about this dude's karma?" He pointed at a cockroach scurrying along the wall opposite us, towards a tiny gap in the window. And then, he raised his foot, and plummeted it upon the creature.

"Shail-"

A gross crunch filled our ears, and Shail smirked. "Guess he had it coming, huh? I guess I'm karma now.", he chuckled as he got off the bean bag. I shook my head in disappointment, but, a few seconds later, Shail loudly stomped his foot, stopped speaking mid-sentence, and froze. I raised my eyebrows,  "You okay, bud?"

He said nothing, but his eyes began to widen. His shirt suddenly looked big on his usually broad shoulders, and his legs and arms looked like they were shrinking by the second. Then, in the blink of an eye, his head folded, and went right into his neck, and his arms and legs shot into his chest, the drink can toppled onto the floor, spilling fizz everywhere; his chest and neck shrunk into a little inside-out floating piece of flesh. Remaining like that for but a moment, it blew up into a thousand miniscule particles of dust, and vanished with a sickening 'pop', spreading a wave of dust all across my room.

I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I just lay there on my bed, my heart racing, trying to comprehend what I'd just witnessed. I think I might've stayed there for ten minutes straight, before realizing that it wasn't a dream. I just saw my friend stomp his foot and spontaneously implode, and he was...gone.

A little later, I was able to scream, and luckily, the walls in this hostel were really great in terms of being soundproof. Out of habit, I found myself dialing Vivaan's - a really close friend of mine from school - number. After the third ring, he picked up.

"Hey...sup?"

"VIVAAN. SHAIL JUST IMPL- You're not going to believe this, but I really hope you do, BRO, SHAIL JUST IMPLODED IN MY HOSTEL ROOM! I'm not even kidding, he came here with me after classes, right? And he just casually stomped his foot, and blew up-"

"Jay." I knew that tone all too well. Of course he didn't believe me, even I wouldn't. "You're not making any sense."

"Bro, Vivaan I swear I'm not screwing around, man! You sh- you know what? Try calling Shail yourself, if you don't believe it. Do it! Dial his number, call me after that."

"Hold up, I have my mother's phone right here. Stay on the line. And relax."

"Okay...okay..." I tried taking deep breaths, but it wasn't working anymore. I began to tremble...what the hell was going on!

I pressed my phone against my ear to hear the rings from the other phone, but I didn't hear any. 

"The number you're trying to call is unreachable. Please try again later." I don't know what I was expecting, but it would suffice, "See, Vivaan? He was right here, how could it be unreachable? His phone was on him, and it's gone too!"

"Jay, Shail...I see what this is... woohoo, nice prank, guys! You totally got me. I'm just not in the mood right now, Jay. Was there anything else that you needed to say to me? Are you still coming over later?"

I almost wanted to cry, but didn't have the energy to. "Can I come now, instead?"

There's silence on the other end, but soon enough, he replied, "Uh...sure." And the line disconnected.

I booked an auto to his place and walked downstairs, trying to hide how extremely dazed, disoriented and numb I was feeling.

A little something you should know about Vivaan: Vivaan and I go back; we'd been friends since first grade, and stuck around through college too, despite the academic separation. We were each other's confidants, and called the other instantly whenever there was something we needed to get off our chests, or needed help for.

But all of that changed a few months ago. 

We had a school reunion coming up, and neither of us wanted to go. But Neha - Vivaan’s girlfriend then - insisted he attend, and he wouldn’t without me. So, we went.

The afternoon of the party, Neha called me, worried. Vivaan wasn’t answering any of her calls. So, I dropped by his place, and found him drinking, a lit joint in hand. Neha had made him swear off both, so I kept quiet - for a while. But when she asked later why he’d gone silent that day, I told her the truth. Not to hurt him, but to help. He’d been using for too long, and she deserved to know, anyway.

Water under the bridge, right?

Wrong. She broke up with him, he spiraled, drank more, and practically flunked his entrance exam. His parents decided to ship him abroad for a 'fresh start'. He quit drinking after that - Shail and I stood by him, and helped him throughout. Until, of course, Shail told him how she’d found out.

The auto stopped outside Vivaan's bungalow, and I quickly paid the driver his fare. I entered through the back, as Shail and I had been permitted to do, and noticed Vivaan fixing himself a drink by the counter.

Stopped drinking? Guess not. After he found out about my...contribution, he completely shut me out for a whole month. It took a lot of convincing from his mother and Shail for him to even think of being acquainted with me again. I'm glad it worked out, in the end, though. However, he was supposed to leave for his 'fresh start' in two days, and so I was supposed to meet him later today, anyway, for a proper goodbye.

"Hi, Vivaan."

"Hey...drink?" he asked, raising a glass filled with a golden-ish liquid.

"No shot, bro. You're drinking again?" He looked a tad bit annoyed at this, and raised the glass once more.

"It's just apple juice."

"Oh." I said, feeling a gut punch of guilt, and grabbing the drink from his outstretched hand. But, about to take a sip, I was reminded about what I'd just witnessed not even half an hour ago.

"DUDE!" The drink almost spills, but I set the glass carefully back onto the kitchen counter, which was covered in some faint dust. "Shail!"

"Right, what was all of that about?" he inquires, his eyes shifting towards the glass. "Dumb prank, by the way. Where is Shail? What happened to his phone?"

"HE'S. GONE." I protested, recognizing the look of disbelief forming on his face. "I'm not kidding, man. He literally...blew up." 

"Are you hearing yourself, Jay?" He sounded, almost, concerned, as he dusted his hands. "You need to calm down. Here." He nudged the glass in my direction, "This'll help"

"No, Vivaan. I know this sounds stupid, but it really happened, okay? We came back from class, he sat onto my bean bag, sipped his stupid energy drink, had a discussion with me over 'karma', of all topics, and then got up, stomped his foot, and - he was gone!"

"Karma" Vivaan quietly scoffed. "Interesting."

I gave up, knowing it was impossible for me to convince him. "I don't know what to do man. What can we even do? What do we even tell his parents?"

He smirked again, and opened his mouth to reply, but froze. His eyes began to bulge, just like Shail, and his arms and legs began to shrink. I lunged towards him, trying to shake him out of the trance.

"NO! Vivaan! Not you too, please! What is happening to me?" I fell onto the ground, and as I raised my head, I saw him vanish with the familiar grotesque and visceral 'pop'.

My head began to throb. What on Earth is going on!, I thought.

Amidst all these thoughts, a blinding light filled up the room, and it forced me to jump on my feet and look away. A shockwave boomed throughout the house, and the white silhouette of a person began forming in front of me. I was at a loss for words, and I barely managed a "what" before momentarily losing my voice. 

The light shortly reduced to a brightness level that my eyes could handle, enough for me to stare at the unknown presence in front of me. It seemed to be typing onto a...tablet device? An odd voice, then, echoed throughout the room.

"Hm. Must've left the auto-kill feature toggled on, heh."

My brain short-circuited, and I could only manage another meager "what" before the being detected my presence. 

"Oh, well hello there, Earthling!"

"I'm sorry, what? Who...WHAT ARE YOU? WHERE'S VIVAAN?"

My bellows are met with a half reluctant reply, as the presence turned it's head back to the glowing tablet in its hands, "I? Erm...well, I'm what you Earthlings commonly refer to as...God...there, yes."

I was still confused at this point, and it picked on this fact. "You're...right, Jay. Jay, your friends happened to get huge surges onto their karma-meters just as I was experimenting with the auto-kill feature. I accidentally enabled it, and it affected your friends. But fret not, dear! Balance will be restored, ha. In 3..."

My mouth took over around this point, "WAIT! God? What - why Shail? Why Vivaan?"

Visibly semi-annoyed about my interruption, but still barely interested in my existence, the presence replied, "Shail...mm...right, cockroach. And Vivaan...uh...right, spike. Anyways, I'll return things back to how they were supposed to be! All the best, Jay!"

"Wait!" My head throb was crazier than ever, "What do you mean, spike? Vivaan didn't-"

My eyes shifted to the glass of juice a little away from me, lying on the counter. The powder on the counter glinted, the sachet labelled as "amidalyn" shabbily tucked under the toaster, with a toxin hazard warning slightly below the label. A billion thoughts swarmed my mind, but three seemed to echo.

Toxin. Overdose. His grudge.

I gasped; Vivaan tried to kill me!

The realization stabs me like a knife.

"Oh...oh no..."

Luckily, I hadn't taken a sip, and I saw Vivaan's repeated insistence on me drinking it through an entirely different lens. But, before I could do much about this realization, the entity began to blend in with the swirling white dust around me, and I had to shut my eyes.

On opening them, I found myself outside my hostel, standing next to Shail, with our backpacks strapped on. Something felt wrong, but I couldn't quite figure it out.

"Huh..." I thought out loud, attracting Shail's attention.

"What happened, buddy?"

"Hmm...something felt off, but it's probably just me, haha." I shook it off. 

"You're probably just low on caffeine, bro. Serves you right, though, for constantly avoiding it."

I caught him winking at me, which is his well-known signal for asking me to buy him his stupid energy drink. 

"Speaking of you deserving that, what are you views on the whole 'karma' thing?" I sighed.

You know how some people get 'kicks' out of doing daring stuff, like, say, purposely attempting to get away with something illegal, or over-speeding on their bikes, etc.? 

Well...

- Armaan Kothare