"The greatest victory is that which requires no battle."
- Sun Tzu
Much too quiet tonight
To the majestic old noctuid, though, clinging on to life,
It's no new sight.
It rests near a pinecone, on a tall tree branch
As usual, and waits for its
Instincts to drive it to
Claim morsels that may fit.
Below its branch,
Moonlight glinting in its eyes,
A young wild rat emerges from the bushes and
Out of hunger, sighs.
The pinecone quickly senses
Something off, however,
And truly so, because it sees, staring back,
A pair of red eyes quiver.
The wild rat makes its way over
A carelessly thrown matchbox
In dry litter, and slowly and steadily
Up the tree, to the scared pinecone it walks.
He triumphantly places his grown nails on
The ill fated pinecone, but just over it
He sees that, quite to his pleasure
A little beyond him, an old moth patiently sits.
Greed manifests
As he drools onto his paws,
And he decides to spare the pinecone;
He gently lets it roll off, and watches as it falls.
However, using its newfound life
The pinecone rolls further, and
It bumps into the discarded matchbox
And halts, angling up to the old moth's land.
The rat can already taste the old moth
But decides to lunge for the kill
For good measure, however
It reaches the moth, and fate does it ill.
The moth feels its ill intent,
And suddenly flutters, flying upwards
Which startles the rat, who also happens to,
Owing to his drool, slip, and fall downward.
Fate displays its twisted humor
As the rat plunges down, directly onto
The very pinecone that it spared;
The rat flails, as the pine stabs right through.
In its final moments, the rat's paw
Lashes against the unfulfilled matchbox
And alas! Sparks shoot out
And an ochre flame caresses the pine and the box.
The thrill of the moment almost
Revives the old moth's spirit and might
And brings back its mirth, its will,
And, its pride.
Now, excited from the
Short dance with the devil,
The moth decides to fly down and hover over
The defeated rat, and proudly revel.
Just then, the moth catches a glimpse
Of the most beautiful yellow light
That he'd ever seen, and he's put in a trance,
And towards the bright ochre, he channels his flight.
As he inches closer,
And as the warmth caresses him,
He forgets everything he has learned and
Mesmerized, flies into the fiery spin.
He's burned to a crisp, of course
But at least he remained awestruck till the very end;
The flame, the real victor,
Engulfs the pinecone, the rat and the owlet.
Later, though
It too, fizzles out,
And the fresh ash emerges
Is he the victor? There's no doubt.
In a night, or two,
A gust of wind disrupts the quiet forest
Putting the ash to rout, and
Victorious, demands its crest.
Moments later, however,
When the forest settles,
The silence is back, and
It's deafening, as usual.
- Armaan Kothare

Wow!! The way it captures the events and the drama unfolding in the forest at night is simply mesmerizing. As always, your words paint visuals, flowing so effortlessly that the scene comes alive before the eyes. Superb!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!! Very happy to know you could visualize the entire story, and I really hope you liked the underlying message that it attempted to convey...
DeleteOnce again, thanks for reading :)
Solid concept, stellar theme...but if you haven't written in a while, it shows in the flow...bit messy execution with few parts (eg. line breaks feel abrupt, 'however' reads as an almost lazy connector, some phrasing feels filler-like which could've been avoided to keep the impact intact).
ReplyDeleteThat said, those seem more like little editing misses that could easily be redone (if you choose to) and then the piece would deliver as impactful as its intended message.
Keep writing though, your ideas are brilliant!
Glad you loved the concept, and that you found the idea impactful! And yeah, excuse me for being a little rusty, I see exactly what you mean...I'll definitely try to make changes as and when possible... I really do appreciate the critical feedback though!
DeleteThanks for reading :D
Armaan, your poem will stay with me each time I see a pinecone in my yard or a rat. You write so well. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteI'm honored to know that haha! Thank you so much for your kind words, and thanks for reading :)
DeleteWow Chonu! Fantastic imagination and you have penned it so beautifully. Appreciate your command over language and your overall way of interpreting the stark reality of life. Keep writing ! Bless you !
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely delighted to know it resonated with you!! Thanks for your encouraging words, keep on reading :)
DeleteLife is here n now...in my belief ...no past n no next birth ...sow your good deeds in the NOW and reap the fruits in this lifetime of yours.....
ReplyDeleteArmaan ...you ' ve verbalized the profound moral lesson in a very subtle manner ....greatly in awe of your choice of characters , verbal coinage and as always ...effortless unfolding of events...
¡ Bien hecho !
Bravissimo , Armaan !
¡ Gracias ! Grazie! Merci!
DeleteVery well said! I'm happy to know that you feel I've done justice to the idea, and that you liked the way the events were structured...
Thanks for reading :)
Very nicely put in poetic form very creative thinking.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much :D
DeleteHi Armaan ! Writing after a long while and I guess it shows. That said - very nice way to weave the three characters and through them deliver to us readers a nice moral lesson.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I prefer the verses to rhyme, which they weren't in this case. Regardless courtesy your written expression can very vividly imagine the entire story.
Good work ! Keep writing and keep sharpening that saw !!!
I see what you mean! I tried to maintain an 'ABCB" rhyme scheme, as much as possible, but I acknowledge that it may not have been as seamless as intended at all places. I hope that you see improvements in future posts, though... Happy to know that the moral lesson was well received! I guess the traces of writer's rust will only go with more regular writing from my side. Thanks for your critical feedback, and look out for future posts coming soon :)
Delete