Epiphany

"The trouble is that you think you have time."

- Jack Kornfield

It was at the age of three that Thomas Gray first said the word "happy". A few months later, he discovered what the word meant. But he was six when he first discovered what "joy" meant; the sun shining brightly in the sky, snowballs flying in his direction, a warm smile plastered across his face. He remembers vividly, to this day, how his mother taught him to make snow angels, and how his father helped him onto his feet, every time he fell into the snow. He didn't remember much else, but he knew that joy was that warm giddiness that he felt in his tummy, that stayed unfazed in spite of the cold winter winds. 

He felt happy an ample amount of times after that winter, but he never really felt joy.

Thomas Gray was not always a man buried under a pile of work. In his young years, he was full of dreams and aspirations, and even the sky wasn't the limit. He had a list of things he wanted to do, places he wanted to see, and adventures he yearned to embark on. He wanted to learn the guitar, travel the world, maybe even write a novel. There was a fire in him then, an unshakable belief that the world was his to explore. Even on the abstract side of his desires, he wanted to find meaning, and his true purpose. 

But somehow, as the years slipped by, so did his plans.

Somewhere along the line, procrastination became a close friend, and he started feeling as though 'tomorrow' would always exist to pursue these dreams. College became a series of deadlines that he barely met, always pushing things off until the last possible moment. When opportunities came, he hesitated, thinking "I'll do this some other day". He had time, didn’t he? But time, as it does, moved faster than he could ever have imagined.

Office was never supposed to be a permanent destination for Thomas. 'It's just a temporary detour for wealth', he'd say. He said he wanted to figure it all out, earn money, and leave when he was ready. But, the safe 9-5 lifestyle required this detour to extend to one year, then two years, then five- it seemed as though Thomas' 'tomorrow' had gained a new name, and this name was 'retirement'. Soon, his life became a monotonous string of meetings, dreary documents and anti-sleep coffees. His dreams and aspirations changed to responsibilities and commitments. He became known as the reliable-guy, due to the lengths he'd go to for finishing the job. His colleagues and superiors greeted him with mechanical smiles, which he'd promptly return, before going back to his routine of hunching over spreadsheets, and eating cold sandwiches.

He lived for the weekends, and the fleeting periods of relaxation they brought with them. He began to live life on auto-pilot, with retirement being the only light at the end of the tunnel, where he'd finally enjoy life. 

But, now in his late thirties, he barely remembered his dreams. 

His life outside of work wasn't much different; friends gradually parted ways, tired of his usual busyness. His family and relatives eventually stopped expecting his presence at get-togethers and parties. The lively child had disappeared; life was slipping by right in front of his eyes, but since it wasn't on his 'priority list', he never noticed.

On one rainy Friday evening, however, Thomas' life changed forever. As he finished his last meeting and his last spreadsheet entries, Thomas shut down his computer, and made his way to the office exit. The rain, coupled with the city lights, blended into a blur, akin to occasional splashes of red and blue on a monochrome canvas painting. Cars and raindrops whizzed along the road, but Thomas barely perceived any of it. Walking out on the road, his mind was occupied by mixed thoughts; commitments for the next week, dinner plans for the weekend, and preparations for the commitments for the next week. Corporate thoughts followed him outside the office, even on a Friday night!

Amidst all these thoughts, it's understandable how he failed to see a car speeding in his direction, and sending him right into the sky. It was so sudden, that before he even realized it, he was seven feet above the ground, and the ascent didn't seem to stop there. He screamed at the top of his lungs, but now he was more than fifteen feet high, and no one seemed to hear him. A few seconds later, the ascent slowed down, and he started to feel suspended in the air. He began flailing his arms and legs in every direction, but that didn't change the fact that he was quite literally floating above the city. One of his childhood dreams was to try and fly, and so he randomly leaned forward, as if he were Superman. Not expecting more than another failed attempt, you can imagine Thomas' shock when he realized he propelled himself forward- he could fly! He had so many questions, but the breeze, along with the cool, enveloping drops of the rain convinced him to delay them, and enjoy the moment for a change. For the first time in twenty years, Thomas genuinely smiled.

The loud noises of the city traffic vanished, and all he could hear was the wind. Thomas zipped through the clouds, over the busy city and above the rain, and for the first time, he noticed just how beautiful the sky was. It looked as though someone took a handful of orange, purple and blue glitter, and threw it above the clouds. Each cloud seemed to play roles; resembling animals, collectively painting stories in the sky. Then, as he flew past the city, over a forest, he noticed how beautifully the faint rays of the Sun danced on the canopies below, casting tiny golden halos on the ground. Flying past the forest, he observed how the seemingly random rivers twisted and curved, almost as if they were the Earth's veins; beyond the forest, the mountains began to emerge, adorned with waterfalls, and the occasional peaks tasting the sky. He remembered looking out the office window, barely noticing the sun setting or the birds taking flight. He had been too busy, too distracted by the pressures of work, to care. Now, with the freedom to truly see, he wonders how he could have missed the beauty that had been right in front of him all along. There seemed to be beauty in each aspect of nature, and he'd often taken it for granted, or plainly ignored it.

He flew faster, through all the crevices, and over the mountain lakes, which looked like blue jewels set into the landscape, untouched by man, and still serene. Soon, the mountains descended into quiet meadows and scattered trees, and once again, traces of civilization appeared along the horizon. Before he knew it, he was gliding over a neighborhood, over its roofs and yards, catching glimpses of children playing and laughing. Some played soccer on the field, and some rode their bicycles down the streets. Thomas sensed a sort of simplicity in their world, a world free from responsibilities and commitments; limitless. Full of dreams, they were living in the moment, much like he did when he was young. 

He felt a pang of nostalgia hit him in the gut, and he remembered his own wild goals and plans, like those of exploring nature, and becoming an adventurer. He questioned how he'd allowed them to be on hold for this long, and how he let them get buried under years of routine, waiting for that awaited tomorrow to hurry up. As he whizzed past the lands below, the truth hit him- good things do come to those who wait, but one can wait for too long. There was more to his life than seeing the world from behind a desk, and delaying this exploration of the world was a betrayal of the very essence of being alive. 

As he flew over the oceanic expanse, he realized that this is what life was supposed to be; experiences full of wonder, and not a cycle of unending pursuits and delays.  True joy doesn't come from the accumulation of wealth; it comes from doing what sets the soul on fire. The only way to honor life, he thought, was to pursue each dream without delay. Having realized this, Thomas felt as though his life had only just begun. A wide smile plastered across his face, again, Thomas shot towards the unending and glowing horizon, looking forward to return to his life and tell his family about his findings. He wanted to do everything that he'd delayed; he wanted to tell his parents that he loved them, arrange and follow through with friends' and relatives' get-togethers, approach that pretty lady he used to see at the office café, and try out scuba-diving. He couldn't wait to get home again.

In the middle of framing this list, however, a golden halo appeared, and began pulling Thomas into the sky. In the blink of an eye, Thomas was suspended in a cloud-like room, with a blinding light emanating before him. He was momentarily disoriented by this ordeal, and when he came to, he noticed an angelic silhouette in front of him.

Covering his eyes, Thomas asked, "What is this? Where am I?"

The angelic figure, still radiating a blinding light, said in the sweetest voice Thomas had ever heard, 

"Hello, Thomas."

Attempting to compose himself, he asked, "How do you know my name? Who are you? May I please go home? I really need to see my parents."

The angelic figure almost giggled, and plainly replied, 

"Home? Thomas, I'm afraid you're quite dead. Welcome to the end."

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Author's note:

Thomas Gray died when the car hit him after he stepped out of his office building. The story, after that point, is from the perspective of his soul, and reveals the last thoughts that crossed his mind before leaving the Earth. It symbolizes how, despite contributing most of his life to the corporate life, the life that suffocated his dreams and aspirations, he barely gave it any thought in the end. It's the simpler things in life, the memories that he made, the moments and sources of joy that he really cared about. The point trying to be made is, when one's time comes, wealth and materialistic things are worth nothing, as they mean nothing to the departing soul. One should, instead, try to live a life full of happy memories, doing what the heart yearns for, with no regrets or delays.

There is also a clear distinction between the terms 'happiness' and 'joy'. Happiness is more of a temporary emotion, one that arises out of day-to-day events, or materialistic aspects. Joy, on the other hand, has much more depth, and stays with individuals all through their lives; its basis is a core memory, a special relationship, etc. Occupational achievements and wealth accumulation are examples of things that provide temporary happiness...whereas the memory of Thomas spending time with his parents as a child is a core memory, one that sticks with him until his final moments

The theme of irony is what I wished to highlight via this story, insofar as Thomas learned the true meaning of 'living life' moments after dying. You, however, are quite alive, if you're reading this. This is a letter to you, to tell you to live a life free from regrets, and to discourage you from delaying the pursuit of your wildest desires. Life is a gift...and you'll only realize it if you slow down, for once, and allow yourself to plunge into nature's intricacies. 

-Armaan Kothare

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Hey readers! Hope you liked this post...I hope you found it relatable, but not too relatable. "Make the most of every moment" is a message that cannot be stressed upon enough, and it is of paramount important in today's fast-paced world. The main aim of this post was to remind you of the boon that 'being alive' is, and to encourage you to live a life full of crazy stories, such that you have enough happy memories to cling on to when your inevitable time to move on arrives. 

Feel free to leave your thoughts and suggestions in the comments section below, and thanks for reading!

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