Façade

To love like a psycho...

I guess we're crying now, the sky and I. I let my own tears fall onto the ground, as the heavens drench the whole world in theirs. I do no such thing, however, for I dwell in my despair alone. I haven't told anyone yet; but the sky does the opposite, every time. How desperate! It hopes for the world to share its sorrows, and attempts to do so forcibly, almost. Its tears cascade onto the faces below, regardless of whether they smile or frown. They drench a grieving man such as myself, so it would be far too ambitious for me to expect empathy from them. I used to love the rain; it used to be my happy place. I could dance in it all day, not having a care in the world. I used to think of it as me helping the skies forget their sadness. But when I cried, the sky only cried harder. I used to think it was because the sky felt remorse for having to see a friend feel so low, but I've come to doubt that view. Maybe its because the sky wanted the world to see its sorrow, more than mine. What if the sky just wanted all the attention to itself? What if it was keeping me from the caring eyes that could help me? How distasteful! How ungrateful! But at least it keeps me company.

We used to love the rain...but now it only reminds me of what we used to be; what we could've been.

Now it only reminds me of her.

Much before the rain, it was she who'd keep me company. She'd be the shoulder to cry on, although her very presence meant that I had fewer reasons to do so. Her words used to make me forget about all of my problems, hell, I sometimes forgot what the word meant. After a long day of work, just looking in her eyes would be enough to trap me in them...I'd get lost in them, but I'd find myself too...the real me. I'd never felt like that ever before. I'd endure the days' sufferings just because I knew I'd forget about them when I'd see her smile. Oh, her smile! Heaven hath no such grace, beauty, or light! She was the one cure to all kinds of pain...I'm sure she could've cured the world if she tried. Just one touch was enough to make my heart run a marathon. But most of all, I loved when she'd say "whatever you think is better, dear". I loved her when she'd say that. I'd never gelled with anyone, the way I did with her. I always wondered what I'd ever done to get someone like her, someone who was clearly better than what I deserved, in all respects...

But eventually, with the passing time, came the disconsolate answer.

My days kept getting longer, with me returning later and later, each day. I never gave it much of a thought, let alone ever seeing it as a problem, since I thought she was an angel, and she wouldn't mind. But she did- she did mind. You can imagine my disposition when she told me that she wanted me to cut down on my working hours...how could she ask that of me? Did she not understand my ambitions? How inconsiderate! How selfish! How...evil!

I politely declined her requests, declaring that my growing work endeavours were for our future, and therefore, imperative. And that was that...

Or so I'd hoped.

She didn't bring it up for the next two months...but she definitely felt different. She barely spoke about the stuff that interested her...but I didn't pay it much heed. I didn't want to give in to her tantrums...I knew what happened to the men that did so. If one, such as myself, were to entertain these acts, they'd only grow and get worse in the future. So every time she looked at the floor, trying to tell me that she was upset with me, I just told her to drop the act and grow up. That seemed to do the trick...for a while.

But a few weeks later, all hell broke loose. The words I never thought she'd say were uttered by her; "We can't possibly work this out...we aren't alike, let alone good for each other. I'm leaving."

I was in a state of shock...I didn't know what to say, or what to do...I just watched her grab her bag and walk out...she didn't even look back. Her tears didn't show either...I decided to give her a day or two, and then hope that she'd return to her senses. But alas, I had no idea what she had in store.

She had already moved on. In just two days. My jaw dropped when I saw her cozying up with another man, who seemed as old as me, watching movies, the kind that she used to watch with me.

That hurt. That really hurt.

I couldn't stop my tears that night...and what more, it rained too! The sky, and this I hope, shared my sorrows. It cried with me, and its tears weighed far more than mine. I wondered if it carried the weight of all men's sorrows in its tears, and I wondered how many other wronged people cried alongside me. 

I started seeing her in every situation; little things here and there, reminding me of my time with her.  

Eventually, so did the rain. Oh, cruel world! I compared her to the raindrops; just like her, they touched my skin, sent a transient wave of joy throughout my being, but just like her, eventually left me, and trickled off into the void of the world. The rain, my confidante, had become her, the nemesis of my love. Each raindrop carried a piece of my heart into the ground that night...it eventually buried all the parts that were once foolish enough to not see the signs; the parts that once yearned for her.

I went to her house that night. I didn't expect her to mind the time, for old times' sake, but she seemed to question it. I purposely arrived late since I knew the other man wouldn't be there. I wanted to talk with the real her, the one I once loved with all my heart, the one I worked all those hours for...I wanted to talk with her again. Albeit, for the last time, of course.

I gave her a second chance, which she promptly refused. I still wonder why...we were good...we were perfect, before she decided to try and hold me back. 

She was the one for me, you know? Even in that moment, even when she refused to accept it, she was truly the one for me. How could she ever be anyone else's? Do you really think anyone else could love her as much as I did? That someone could work that hard, day and night, for her...as much as I did? No. Not a chance. She'd notice it soon, she had to. She had to see that I was the one for her. That even though she watched the same movies with that other man, she didn't have a smile as wide as the one she had when she was with me. She couldn't do this to herself...being with that man wouldn't do her justice at all...I couldn't let her do it. If she wouldn't be with me, she'd suffer of dissatisfaction, and that'd only hurt her more in the long run...she'd hurt the ones around her too, including that man. She'd suffer, and I couldn't watch her suffer. 

And so, having rejected my second chance, I found her entitled to my first bullet, at the very least. It was the only way to make her realize that I'd save her from anyone, even from herself. It was quick, there ain't no doubt in that. She could only manage a startled "oh"...but that sufficed, of course. 

I slept well that night.

But today, the sadness is back. I don't know why it has returned, but I think it's because that man is in front of me. The man who didn't thank me after I told him how I saved him from that woman. How ungrateful! What has this world come to? People can't even acknowledge acts of kindness such as mine...nay, nay. I must do the world a favour...I must save it from a future with people like this...it's the very least I can do.

And so I raise the gun to his chest. He seems scared...he's- oh, so now he apologizes! How convenient! You know, sometimes, a violent remnant leaves a better mark than the failure of a second chance. So, I apologize to him, and then to the world, close my eyes, and pull the trigger.

The people around me look shocked- some are calling...the authorities? Some are calling their loved ones...tch tch...the same old trap...like the one I just got out of. But I don't feel my sadness anymore.

And as the sirens grow louder, and the cop cars begin surrounding me, I can't help but smile.

It isn't raining anymore.

*

Hello reader! I hope you liked this story...it was my first attempt at writing both a psychopath's perspective and a story with romantic elements. To briefly summarise this one, I'd say that it serves as a haunting reminder of the fact that appearances can be deceptive, and that evil could lurk within anybody, even the people in our immediate surroundings. It's imperative to be vigilant, and also try to help such people get professional aid as soon as possible. It also serves as a reminder for us to spread more awareness about empathy and similar values in a world like today's, which has a lack thereof. 

This isn't a lost cause; we just have to nurture the light that can one day, overpower the darkness.

Feel free to leave any thoughts, suggestions or feedback in the comments section below!

Thanks for reading :)

-Armaan Kothare